Saturday, June 20, 2009

AFTER DIVORCE, HOW CAN YOU TURN BEING SINGLE AGAIN INTO A POSITIVE?

After being married for over 6 years and together 3 years prior to our marriage, when we separated I realized I had spent so many years trying unsuccessfully to become the person my husband wanted me to be, I had lost track of who I was.

As a leader in a divorce recovery support group in my church I frequently ask the question, “How can you turn being single again into a positive?” Although most people are horrified with the question, for me the answer is simple. I am no longer in my husband’s shadow. I have been able to blossom in a way I never could have under my husband’s thumb. I believe I am finally becoming the person God intended me to be.

JEREMIAH 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Although I initially reacted to my loneliness by running around bars, overeating, and feeling sorry for myself, after a lot of prayer and support from wonderful friends, I finally put aside the negative influences in my life. I remembered how much I love to take walks on the beach. How much I love dogs. Enjoy time with friends. All things my husband had no interest in. I joined a church, and as my daughter grew into a teen, I got involved in a church support group for parents of teens. I give this group and our youth pastors much of the credit for the woman my daughter is today.

In transitioning from a married to a single person, what can you do to aid in that transition? Do you feel you are in a waiting place, or are you taking responsibility for yourself and your future? What kind of a support structure do you have, and what can you do to build a support structure?

Are you letting your divorce status define you, or are you forming a new identity of your own? Is there something you always wanted to do but were afraid to try?

PSALM 118:24: This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.”